Socks

Socks are marvelous things.

I used to take them for granted until I started spending a lot of time hiking. A good pair of boots and a good, and very importantly dry, pair of socks are absolutely vital. My father (who used to be in the Army) was adamant about this point. I have to say he was spot on.

There are all sorts of things to do with socks. You can, of course, wear them. You can roll them into a ball and throw them at people. You can roll one up and put it inside the other one (if they are long sports socks) and create the schoolboy equivalent of a mace. If you are really bored, you can make very bad hand puppets.

But you can also take them off. I think there is a whole episode of Coupling that discusses the "sock zone" which is where a man unfortunately takes off his trousers before his socks and then stands there, in his undies and socks. Even if you have a physique that you can smash walnuts on, it is difficult to look good in this situation.

I was Djing at a wedding once. It was going well at the afterparty and the amount of clothing being worn was on the decease. My friend H came over and noticed I was wearing neither shoes nor socks and inquired why. I merely pointed to the man standing on a chair, trying to take both his trousers and socks off at the same time and said "Sock zone".